The Top 12 Most Overrated Foods
Finally getting back to the important stuff.
Mike O’Connor is the best O’Connor in basketball writing. Previously of The Athletic, you can find Mike on Twitter @MOConnor_NBA.
In case you’re new to the Ricky, it’s become something of a tradition around here for each of us to post our own top-20 foods lists. It started with SixersAdam’s love of the ever-elusive cantaloupe, and now we’ve even gotten lists from Toni Tony Tatone and Tommy from Down The Shore. AU has also done a top-10 drinks list.
For the next evolution of this series, I’m going to list out my 12 most overrated foods. Let’s begin.
12. Tacos
Tacos are pretty good, but they still make the list because of how completely insane the hype train has gotten. Some of you (including a certain basketball player) need to learn that liking tacos is not a personality trait.
Hard shell tacos are better than soft shell, but even those can be a logistical nightmare to eat. You bite it a little bit wrong, it breaks, the contents fall out, etc. etc.
Tacos are good. So are a lot of other foods, but nobody tries to copyright a day of the week for them.
11. Corn on the cob
As a general rule for me: any food that you have to absolutely lather up with butter and salt in order for it to be good, is not good to begin with. This applies to many things but most notably corn on the cob and baked potatoes.
Also, I'll offer a similar critique to the one I had for tacos -- corn on the cob is an incredibly tedious thing to eat. The process of getting it buttered, salted, and skewered is annoying. And after the fact, you’ll be picking things out of your teeth all night. It’s just not worth it.
10. Plain bagels
What an absolute waste of food. They have no personality, no flavor, and no nutritional value. A toasted bagel with cream cheese is really no different at all from a grilled cheese that’s been sitting out for a day.
Some bagels that have actual flavor, like cinnamon raisin bagels, are decent. Load it up with butter and it approaches being good. But the plain ones? Disgusting, regardless of what’s on it or how it’s prepared.
9. Red Velvet … anything
Cake, cookies, pancakes, I don’t care, it’s all totally underwhelming. The only reason red velvet exists at all is because it has a nice aesthetic. If it were a more bland color and went by a different name, nobody would care that it existed.
8. Cupcakes
Cupcakes are a total mess. The cake to icing ratio is way off -- it’s way, way higher than actual, normally prepared cake.
This hurts not only the flavor but also the logistical aspect of eating it. Cupcakes that are too big are nightmares to eat, unless you have no self respect and decide to eat the bottom part first. In some ways, I do have to admire people who do that, because the rest of it at least now has the proper ratio of cake to icing.
7. Ravioli
How anyone could enjoy eating cheese wrapped in rubber is beyond me.
6. Chili
The list of ingredients that go into chili looks like scientists engineered it specifically to make you shit bricks. I can’t understand why anyone would subject themselves to this absolute morass. It’s a mediocre tasting bowl of hot sludge that no human should feel comfortable eating.
5. Tuna (Canned)
I have not the slightest clue how anyone could stomach being in the room when a can of tuna is opened, let alone eating it. It is a truly foul substance.
4. Skittles
If you like skittles, just grow up.
3. Sushi
The hype behind sushi is outrageous. It’s just not very good. Not enough flavor, the texture feels off, and wasabi makes it even worse. Also, it gave me food poisoning once.
2. Shrimp
Shrimp is absolutely disgusting. I have no idea how it’s become such a staple of the American appetizer scene. How can you even look at that thing and think to eat it? It looks like a rat had a baby with a worm.
1. Cereal
Cereal is not real. It’s a made up word. It doesn’t mean anything or designate any particular food. If you don’t believe me, then go ahead and try to define it. Go ahead. I’m waiting.
The reason you can’t think of a definition is because in reality, cereal is just a bunch of sugary crackers that get submerged in milk. If I split a bunch of wheat thins in half, put them in a bowl, and sprinkled some cinnamon sugar on there, you know what I’d have? Cinnamon toast crunch.
It isn’t real. It’s just a cracker with better marketing. Taking a cracker and baking sugar into it doesn’t make it good. And it definitely doesn’t make it a meal -- it blows my mind that people will actually put a bunch of crackers in milk and think that they’ve taken care of “the most important meal of the day.”
You’d be better off eating a fucking donut in the morning. It tastes 10 times better, it’s just about as healthy, and at least that way, you wouldn’t start your day by falling victim to an egregious marketing ploy.