The Field Of 64 Joel Embiid Moments: The Second Round
It’s time for the second round.
![[art by Abbie Huertas]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8b0adafd-6e45-4beb-af9f-9002e3087df2_1000x500.png "[art by Abbie Huertas]")
Andrew Unterberger is a famous writer who invented the nickname 'Sauce Castillo' and is now writing for The Rights To Ricky Sanchez, as part of the 'If Not, Pick Will Convey As Two Second-Rounders' section of the site. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AUGetoffmygold and can also read him at Billboard.
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**UPDATED WITH FIRST ROUND RESULTS**
Joel Embiid may miss time on the court, but never in our hearts: The best player in the NBA this season has been the unmovable No. 1 for Sixers fans since he first delayed-reacted to the Sixers drafting him with the No. 3 pick in 2014. As he celebrates his 27th birthday week (while rehabbing to resume putting foot to Eastern Conference ass for God and City), we wanted to pay proper March tribute to the greatest and most loveable athlete Philadelphia can currently call its own, with a bracketed tournament of his 64 greatest moments.
They're not so much about Joel's many on-court triumphs (big wins, memorable shots, scoring benchmarks, etc.) as about reflecting the guy who we spent two solid years in love with two years before we ever saw him take the floor as a Sixer -- the tweets, the trolls, the unforgettable quotes, and sure, a couple poster dunks too. Vote for your favorites on Twitter (soon) and think unbruised thoughts until his return.
Here’s a PDF of the bracket with the first round winners.
FIRST ROUND RESULTS:
#1 Ass Slap Fight w/ Cousins def. #16 “Size 17, that’s big”
#1 Appearance on Ricky def. #16 Won’t go down Water Slide
#1 Nicknames himself The Process def. #16 Mutombo Finger Wag
#1 Airplane vs. Toronto def. #16 I’m done talking trash
#8 Fight w/ Towns def #9 Posterizing John Collins
#9 Don’t compare me to Ayton def. #8 Cheating in Skills Contest
#8 Being A Good Asshole def. #9 Hulu has live sports commercial
#9 Milly rocking vs. Atlanta def. #8 Yelling at Shake Milton
#5 Date w/ Rihanna def #12 Raising The Cat (Towns)
#12 Dancing w/ Sixers dancers def. #5 Free Throw Line Wedgie Picking
#12 “Rudy Gobert?” No offense but… def. #5 Leading the league in respectful domination
#12 Blocking Harden def. #5 Shirtless dancing @ Meek Mill
#4 Milwaukee “Shithole” IG tag def #13 EMBIID CURRY?!
#4 Baiting Donovan Mitchell into a tech def. #13 America Is Tanking tweet
#4 Drummond Real Estate comment def. #13 Laughing about Jarrett Allen elbow
#4 Phantom Mask def. #13 Coming along nicely pic
#6 Eurostep dance def #11 IG w/ Harry Styles tagged as Brandon Ingram
#11 TJ/MJ Avatar on Twitter def. #6 Inviting Kim K to slide into DMs
#11 White people shooting threes def. #6 Embiid calling out Pompey & Howard Eskin
#6 Joel “Do a 180” Embiid” def #11 Lifting Kevin Hart
#3 Shirley Temple Did This def. #14 Mo Bamba song played for Mo Bamba
#3 Stops Sixers pandemic cutbacks def. #14 “I’m 7’2” and I’m a big dude”
#3 Your +/- Was Ass def. #14 Build Around Tony Bradley
#3 Dunking on Westbrook def. #14 Where the bitches at?
#7 Names dog after Sam Hinkie (RIP Klaus) def. #10 Shmoney dance in huddle
#10 “THEY HATE THE PROCESS” tweet def #7 Waiving Drummond off the court
#10 I’m at 69% def. #7 We Up Next
#10 Blocking kids at the park def. #7 BRUH tweet (Burnergate)
#2 Participates in RT Armageddon def #15 Calls Timeout For Heat
#2 Calling a tech on Donovan Mitchell def. #15 “Women Love My Accent”
#2 Undertaker Fultz pinned tweet def. #15 Trolling LeBron
#2 Dunk on Baynes def. #15 Shushing Miami Crowd
Below are links to each event.
1
Ass-slap fight with DeMarcus Cousins
https://twitter.com/DefPenHoops/status/813596278730985472
1
Appearance on the Ricky
https://www.rightstorickysanchez.com/podcast/orlando
1
Nicknaming himself "The Process"
1
Airplane after windmill dunk against Raptors
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jOnX5PUdbU
2
Participating in Retweet Armageddon (but spelling "armageddon" wrong)
https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid/status/876948984249667584
2
Calling a technical/ejection on Donovan Mitchell
https://twitter.com/WorldWideWob/status/1367303816618651652
2
Undertaker pinned tweet
https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid/status/978395725246685185
2
Dunk on Baynes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J5t_wrAnlU
3
"Your +/- was ass"
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/919049822237323264?lang=en
3
Shaming Sixers into reversing shitty pandemic cutbacks
3
#shirleytempledidthis
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/675546752498405376?lang=en
3
Dunk on Westbrook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S-QdhrCMqs
4
Tagging Milwaukee as "shithole" on Instagram post
4
Baiting Donovan Mitchell into a technical after blocking him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghLbUVeMJiI
4
"Own a lot of real estate" in Drummond's head
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/1058830917836460033?lang=en
4
Phantom of the Process mask
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/984267316975239168?lang=en
5
Date w/ Rihanna
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/492541930618630146?lang=en
5
Picking wedgie at the free-throw line
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrN_fhkxBtI
5
Leading NBA in respectful domination
https://twitter.com/NBCSPhilly/status/1367254138514505728
5
Dancing shirtless at Meek Mill concert
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gdgiev02Fk
6
Eurostep dance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDddAp5JE6M
6
Inviting Kim K to slide into DMs
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/489478868143984642?lang=en
6
Renaming Twitter Joel "Do a 180???" Embiid
6
Calling out Keith Pompey and Howard Eskin after Utah win
https://twitter.com/DerekBodnerNBA/status/1053838277810315264
7
Naming dog after Hinkie
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu49ttGnmSk/
7
Waving Drummond to the exit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo9Cirn-U2U
7
"We up next"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCr4MxXbCFI
7
"BRUH" tweet after Colangelogate
https://www.nbcsports.com/philadelphia/76ers/joel-embiid-reacts-and-trolls-bryan-colangelo-report
8
Fight with Towns
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr4RBjGpPhE
8
Cheating in the Skills contest
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DG9Oge1J9W8
8
"Being a good asshole"
https://www.theringer.com/nba/2020/2/11/21132583/joel-embiid-good-asshole-philadelphia-76ers
8
Yelling at Shake
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGP9w06Bgyc
9
Posterizing John Collins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dOKkJqP8K0
9
"Don't compare Ayton to me"
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/1009965022200680448?lang=en
9
"Hulu has live sports" commercial
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjBssvRlMi4
9
Milly rocking after scoring career high against ATL
https://youtu.be/V6Yyv_xLMqI?t=417
10
Shomney Dance in huddle
https://vine.co/v/OetiQbimB2i/embed/simple
10
Tweeting "THEY HATE THE PROCESS" for Silver not canceling COVID game
https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid/status/1348393773819191305
10
"I'm at 69 percent"
https://www.sbnation.com/nba/2017/11/16/16664726/joel-embiid-sixers-lakers-incredible
10
Blocking little kids at the park
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5yKVQeF48k
11
Instagram with (maybe?) Harry Styles tagged as Brandon Ingram
https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1011001641384853504/photo/1
11
TJ/MJ Twitter Avatar
11
Lifting Kevin Hart like a child after Miami series win
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGgHncP2Z-I
11
"WHITE PEOPLE SHOOTING 3 POINTERS"
https://www.theplayerstribune.com/articles/joel-embiid-its-story-time
12
"Raising the cat" subtweet of KAT
instagram.com/p/Bcqi9bdl0-z/?utm_source=ig_embed
12
Dancing with the Sixers cheerleaders
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMVsdZpgpLk
12
"Rudy Gobert? No offense, but..."
12
Blocking Harden after earlier scuffle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf7WVPDqu9U
13
"EMBIID CURRY???"
https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid/status/977009506088611841
13
"America is tanking" post-election tweet
https://twitter.com/joelembiid/status/796258910617370624?lang=en
13
Laughing while apologizing about Jarrett Allen elbow
https://twitter.com/bengolliver/status/1117989205173387265?lang=en
13
"Coming along nicely" muscle pic
https://www.instagram.com/p/_LPOublrkL/?utm_source=ig_embed
14
Having stadium ops play "Mo Bamba" after scoring on Mo Bamba
https://twitter.com/DerekBodnerNBA/status/1053838277810315264
14
"I'm 7'2, and I'm a big dude... and I'm African too"
https://twitter.com/rich_hofmann/status/933135328130449408?lang=en
14
"Build around Tony Bradley"
https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid/status/1370199867662929920
14
"Where the bitches at?"
https://twitter.com/hoopsreference/status/950752668150124544?lang=en
15
Calling timeout for the Heat
https://twitter.com/SportsCenter/status/1349897903700025344
15
"Women usually love my accent... and I'm pretty intelligent too."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZDv-UBz-t4
15
Trolling LeBron
https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid/status/552297093692661762?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
15
Shushing Miami crowd after three
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X90oRcB4Ppc
16
"Size 17... that's *big*"
https://youtu.be/9YSkvkC3tqc?t=131
16
Chickening out going down the water slide
https://youtu.be/0oadZC5lgWk?t=14
16
Mutombo finger wag after block
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChaUU48R4ZU
16
"I'm done talking trash"