The 10 Sixers Things I Find Most Infuriating Right Now

No, they're not all about Tobias.

Tough watch last night. I thought the Sixers mostly outplayed the game score for two and a half quarters, but the Knicks started finding the crevices in Nick Nurse's Fuck 'Em Where They Live defensive gameplan (helps to have OG Anunoby back to sop up those Precious Achiuwa minutes), and a couple Sixers misses and miscues later, the Knicks were up 26. Turns out it's a lot easier to beat the Knicks only scoring 79 when you also hold them to 72; doing so while letting up triple digits ends up being something of a challenge. 

Everyone on the Sixers was at least a little at fault for the final result -- some more than others, of course -- so I felt it was a good time to hold pretty much the whole team to task for some of their more nagging tendencies of late. Here are the 10 things most angering me about the Sixers these days, with a limit of one per Sixer, mostly to prevent the list from being a total gang-up on You-Know-Who. (I already wrote one of those two weeks ago anyway.) 

10. Paul Reed's offensive rebound fly-bys

My beautiful son BBall Paul is of course perfect at all times, and only getting perfecter, really. But even I must admit it's hard not to shake my head at BBall in certain matchups against actually good defensive-rebounding teams -- the Knicks certainly being one. He will constantly be soaring in for offensive rebounds and not really getting anywhere close to the board, consistently getting out-sized and out-positioned by the New York bigs, and ending up somewhere off-screen. He looks like an NBA Jam player being controlled by someone who has no clue how to play (i.e. me) and who just keeps mashing the Shoot/Block button in the hopes of making something good happen. Only No. 10 though, because I find it more funny than legitimately angering -- I couldn't get mad at BBall if I wanted to (and why would I want to really).

 9. Kelly Oubre Jr.'s and-one free-throw shooting

I kinda can't believe what a good place Kelly and I are in these days. He's the first player to ever play through the Curse of the Jason Lipshutz Gift -- every holiday season, FOTB Jason very generously purchases me a piece of Sixers swag featuring the player I'm currently infatuated with, and without fail, that player immediately starts to suck, and sucks for the rest of the season. Oubre was on that trajectory until this recent stretch, where he's scored 18 or more in his last six games, continued attacking the rim like that fucker was the one behind the wheel that fateful night in November, and twice came just one dime short of Mike's fabled five-assist game. He even bonked a dunk on Isaiah Hartenstein on Tuesday. I'd say he's back to being my third-favorite guy on the active squad behind Maxey and BBall. 

But the one thing that still keeps me at arm's length with Oubre is his free-throw shooting -- particularly on and-ones. As great as his bonkerization of Hartenstein was on Tuesday, the part that really got me pumped was him finishing the three-point play immediately after: I don't have the exact stats in front of me, but I'd guess that free throw raised his percentage on and-ones from about 13% to maybe around 17% for the season. It kills me every time he fails to convert one: Not just the lost point, but the lost momentum, the lost punctuation. Still, Oubre's total free-throw shooting is up to 73% for the season, and as very often the only Sixer with Joel out who even gets there in the first place, it's hard to get on him too much for these blown freebies right now. 

8. Nicolas Batum's lack of rim protection

This one might not be fair, since a normal team would probably never have cause to ask their 35-year-old 6'8" forward to serve as their last line of defense. But with the Sixers in a spot where they kinda need to go small for at least 5-10 minutes a night if they're playing a game they actually want to win, it would be really nice if Batum's length, versatility and smarts allowed him to at least fake it at center for long enough to get to the TV timeout. Unfortunately, not really: So far, when Nico's been positioned in front of the rim, he's proven about as much of a deterrent as a NO DUNKING PLEASE sign on the backboard -- and his 5.7 boards per 36 haven't made him particularly proficient at finishing off possessions, either. Hopefully a moot point in just a few weeks' time, but until then, Batum's lack of true big man skills will continue preventing this team from realizing what could otherwise be their most effective frontcourt rotation.

7. Cameron Payne's lack of burst to the rim

I thought for sure I would hate Cam Payne by now. He has that Lou Williams-looking game that I found infuriating to watch a decade ago, and he doesn't even get to the line a tenth as often as Sweet Lou did. But he's made a good percentage of his shots, generally executed well as a back-up point guard, and actually proven a pretty crucial offensive cog in a number of Sixers wins already this season. But the one thing he just cannot do is get to the rim. On Tuesday he broke to the basket on one drive like a running back finding the gap, and two Knicks still managed to get in front of him by the time he got to the cup. If he had been just a 10th of a second quicker on his 40, he probably scores on that turnover late against the Pelicans last week, cutting a once-32-point-lead to just four with over a minute to go. You wanna give him a pass because of his advanced age -- then you realize he's somehow still only 29, younger than Pascal Siakam and Derrick White, and it feels slightly less excusable. 

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6. Kyle Lowry's shooting hesitation

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know: We're all supposed to wax rhapsodic about Kyle Lowry's veteraniness and never point out his bad shooting lines unless we also end the sentence with some sort of "but he still controlled the game better than anyone!" type qualifier. Fair enough, and I can get down with 95% of the Lowry worship -- but the 5% that's still an ass too far for me is his tendency to look his way out of taking decent shots. Sure, he's often attempting Horf-style exchanges of good shots for great ones, but a lot of the time, he just doesn't want to take the shot he's not super-confident in -- even if it's really a pretty reasonable look, and even it's late enough in the clock that it's likely the highest-percentage look we're gonna get that possession. I never tolerated it from P.J. Tucker, and even if Lowry becomes the first Sixer to ever average a triple-double in points, assists and charges drawn, I won't tolerate it from him either. 

5. Daryl Morey's failure to find us a workable emergency big

The only reason we have to talk about Nico Batum's rim protection at all is because with Joel down, we perpetually find ourselves one tall person short. Many of us thought that role would be filled at the trade deadline; no such luck. Some of us maybe hoped Darius Bazley could be that guy; we'll never know for sure, since he barely got any playing time at all before his contract expired earlier this month. Now, we're basically out of time and out of options: Unless there's a budding seven-footer on the Blue Coats coming to save us (anyone still keeping tabs there?) the bigs we've got are the bigs we'll have moving forward. Again, hopefully moot once Joel returns, but would've been nice if getting an extra giant at the trade deadline had been a bigger priority than ducking the tax or recouping another second-rounder or two, is all I'm saying. 

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4. Buddy Hield's lack of conviction

I've liked more about Buddy's game than I expected: His defense has frequently been stout, his passing has been headier than forecasted -- though he definitely has his Danny of the Night moments -- and he never really tries to do too much. But really... he could stand to do a little more. He drifts through some games without making an impact, not getting shots up unless he has an uncontested, straight-on look, not driving unless he has no perimeter defender trying to get in his way, and shying away from the rim if anyone Trae Young-sized or above is aiming to raise an objection. I'm glad he's got such discipline for a volume shooter, but occasionally, I just wanna see him show some crazy, too: To pull up in a motherfucker's face in a way that makes them go oh shit it's like that? even if the shot ultimately bricks. You're not here to make friends, Buddy, let's stop treading so lightly and unleash the asshole a little bit. 

3. Nick Nurse's starting lineups

I understand he's had some not-great options to work with lately, but some of these starting fives make it seem like Nurse thinks there's some strategic advantage to be gained by going down 19-9 in the first six minutes. Tuesday's was the worst: Oubre, Harris AND Bamba in the starting lineup? I know Kyle Lowry's leader of the NBA's Mensa society and all, but not even starting point guard Nikola Tesla could make up for the collective lack of basketball IQ in that frontcourt. And the fact that he hasn't even tried bringing Tobias off the bench in a single one of the 58 games he's played for us this season -- despite the fact that Oubre essentially plays the same position and has proven more effective in just about every way the past month -- makes these kind of lineups particularly inexcusable. If BBall ever had a game half as bad as Tobi had on Tuesday, he wouldn't be able to sniff the starting five with the giant nose from fucking Double Dare for the rest of his Sixers career. 

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2. Mo Bamba's rebounding inability

No shortage of options with Bamba's game to discuss here, of course, but it's his rebounding that remains most stunning to me. For a guy that big, that long, that young to play 37 minutes against the Knicks across the brick-heavy last two games and grab a total of three combined rebounds -- as many as Knicks backup center Jericho Sims had in just six minutes on Tuesday -- truly speaks to a special lack of skill in this particular arena. When he's in the right position, he jumps at the wrong time; when he times his jump right, he's nowhere near the ball; when he's in the right position and jumps at the right time, there's probably some opposing wing he forgot to box out coming zooming over him for a putback dunk. Somehow he's still averaging near 12 rebounds per 36 minutes for the season; it's misleading rate stats like that which will probably lead some other team to talk themselves into him being a viable back-up center option next year, too.

1. Tobias Harris' lack of mismatches

I was going to call this item "Tobias Harris' inability to punish mismatches," and then it occurred to me: Are there even any players left at this point who we'd consider a mismatch for Tobias? He can't muscle his way through or shoot over smaller guards in the post, he can't speed past or dribble his way around taller frontcourt players on the perimeter... so who's left, exactly? Does his opponent need to literally be dead for Tobias to get the matchup advantage on them -- and with how lifeless he's playing right now, would a little rigor mortis be enough to stonewall Tobi in the paint anyway?

Of course, this is far from the only major complaint we could have with Tobias right now: There's also his ice-cold shooting, his inept play in transition, his poor instincts helping and switching on the perimeter, his underwhelming rebounding, his recommendation of Michael Crichton's convoluted Rising Sun for the Sixers' latest Book Club meeting. But the dearth of mismatches gets the edge here because that was supposed to be Tobi's whole thing; he wasn't the fastest, the strongest, the most dynamic or the most explosive offensive player, but he was supposed to be our most versatile, the guy who could adjust his game both to play to our strengths and to punish our opponents' weaknesses. Unfortunately, versatility for Tobias right now just means he's equally stinky at a wide array of NBA skills, as he spends game after game proving that old Rounders adage: If you can't spot the mismatch in your first half-hour on the court, then you are the mismatch. 

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Andrew Unterberger writes for The Rights To Ricky Sanchez, as part of the 'If Not, Pick Will Convey As Two Second-Rounders' section of the site. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AUGetoffmygold and can also read him at Billboard. 

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